Afro Punk 2K14
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Watching my friends post about their college experiences is really bittersweet. Alongside missing them and being so happy that they’re having the time of their lives, theres this weird feeling of sadness, shame and self-pity. Its there because i always figured i would be the one in my family to go off to a big college and have these experiences too, but here i am, just going to a community college. And there is no shame in going to community college, education is education. But its just kinda hard for me to take in because so many people expected bigger and better things out of me and I feel like i let them down and it bothers me so much, nobody even knows. I mean when I tell them im just going to a community college, they say “oh thats cool!” Or “oh thats smart!” But I know they’re wondering “what happened?” Idk, maybe it is in my head. All i know is for sure is that my own parents don’t believe in me, and i think thats the hardest thing to take in. I slipped a little bit towards the end of the year and regardless of the fact that i easily, and beautifully pulled it together, all they keep telling me is that “I’m not responsible enough for college”, “its gonna be too hard for me”, “I’m not mature enough.” And idk, when you keep hearing that, even though you know its not true, you start to believe it. I just really wanna prove them wrong, but its hard because I’m at this point where I don’t even know if I can.